In His Head

This story was sent to me via email, so I can't give credit for this great fictional story, but I felt it needed sharing. Thank you to the one who wrote this, it is great!

The 2008 Presidential election was too close to call. Neither the Republican candidate nor the Democratic candidate had enough votes to win. There was much talk about ballot recounting, court challenges, etc., but FOX News and CNN both suggested a week-long ice fishing competition seemed the sportsmanlike way to settle things. The candidate that caught the most fish at the end of the week would win the election.

Therefore, it was decided that there should be an ice fishing contest between the two candidates to determine the winner.

After much back and forth discussion, it was decided that the contest take place on a neutral, remote, frozen lake in northern Minnesota. Neither candidate would have an advantage.

There were to be no observers present, and both men were to be sent out separately on this isolated lake and return at 5 P.M. with their catch for counting and verification by a team of neutral parties. At the end of the first day, John McCain returned to the starting line and he had ten fish.

Soon, Obama returned and had no fish. Well, everyone assumed he was just having another 'bad hair' day or something and hopefully, he would catch up the next day.

At the end of the 2nd day John McCain came in with 20 fish and Obama came in again with none.

That evening, Harry Reid got together secretly with Obama and said, 'Barack, I think John McCain is a low-life, cheatin' son-of-a-gun. I want you to go out tomorrow and don't even bother with fishing. Just spy on him and see just how he is cheating.'

The next night (after John McCain returns with 30 fish), Reid said to Obama, 'Well, tell me, how is John McCain cheating?'

Obama replied, 'Harry, you're not going to believe this, but he's cutting holes in the ice.'

Chuck Norris, yes, that one, recently wrote a nice little article about our border problems.

I have been saying some of this for years, why are we allowing our borders to be so open? Why haven't we granted authority to the US Border Patrol to shoot-on-site would be invaders into our nation?

Don't get me wrong, I understand someone trying to make their life better by going to where work is. However, don't break the law doing it! Once someone crosses the border illegally, they are be definition breaking the law, thereby being a criminal.... Or an invader.

John Stossel Links Gun Control to Higher Crime Rates

Code Pink has just proven that their true pursuit is not in the elimination of war, but to take down the USA.

In the beginning of August 2008, Georgia deals with what could be considered as the start of a civil war, but really was rebels who wanted to be dependent on Russia again. Some military posturing takes place and Russia gets involved.

On 8 Aug 2008, Russia send their attack jets and tanks into Georgia.

On 9 Aug 2008, Russia bombs Gori, Georgia and kills 60 civilians.

On 10 Aug 2008, Georgia calls a ceasefire, yet Russia claims fighting has not ceased.

On 11 Aug 2008, Russia accuses Georgia of continued shelling and subsequently invade.

On 12 Aug 2008, shelling kills five more people in Gori.

During this entire time, Code Pink fails in making a statement. Code fails at sending their protesters to the Russian embassy. These failures to call for peace clearly indicates that they don't care about the people of Georgia, unless the US had military there.

Code Pink, just fess-up, you hate America and what we stand for. You are self-loathing rich white people who want to atone for your blessing to live in the US. Unfortunately you want to take the rest of us down with you.

Here is a message from the patriots of this great land. We won't go down that vile and despicable path with you. Go ahead, claim your own personal guilt but don't claim the rest of us "feel" the same way. If you want to self-flagellate, go right ahead, but attempting to do it to us will be construed as assault and we won't take it.

Or would it be knife control?

A Greyhound Canada bus transported the murderer and future victim next to each other during a trip from Edmonton, Albert to Winnipeg, Manitoba.

The murderer repeatedly stabbed the victim and eventually cut his head off. Did the other passengers attempt to stop the murder? The report I read on CNN didn't indicate so. Did the passengers have weapons that could have prevented the murder with them. I am pretty certain that the answer is no, given that Canada has pretty much disarmed it's civilians.

A truck driver stopped and attempted to help the driver and at least one passenger to secure the murderer on the bus with wrenches and crowbars. If Canada had not disarmed its law abiding civilians this murder may have been prevented.

Way to go Canada, disarm your civilians and protect the way of life of criminals throughout the country.

"You need to, uh, make sure your child can speak Spanish!" - Barrack Hussein Obama

At last a guy has taken
the time to write this all down. Finally, the guys? side of the story.
We always hear ?the rules? from the female side. Now here are the rules
from the male side. These are our rules! Please note...these are all
numbered ?1? ON PURPOSE!

1. Men are NOT mind readers.

1. Learn to
work the toilet seat. You?re a big girl. If it?s up, put it down. We
need it up, you need it down. You don?t hear us complaining about you
leaving it down.

1. Sunday sports. It?s like the full moon or the changing of the tides. Let it be.

1. Shopping is NOT a sport. And no, we are never going to think of it that way.

1. Crying is blackmail.

1. Ask for
what you want. Let us be clear on this one: Subtle hints do not work!
Strong hints do not work! Obvious hints do not work! Just say it!

1. Yes and No are perfectly acceptable answers to almost every question.

1. Come to us with a problem only if you want help solving it. That?s what we do. Sympathy is what your girlfriends are for.

1. A headache that lasts for 17 months is a problem... See a doctor.

1. Anything we said 6 months ago is inadmissible in an argument. In fact, all comments become null and void after 7 days.

1. If you won?t dress like the Victoria?s Secret girls, don?t expect us to act like soap opera guys.

1. If you think you?re fat, you probably are. Don?t ask us.

1. If something we said can be interpreted two ways and one of them makes you sad or angry, then we meant the other one.

1. You can
either ask us to do something or tell us how you want it done. Not
both. If you already know best how to do it, just do it yourself.

1. Whenever possible, please say whatever you have to say during commercials.

1. Christopher Columbus did NOT need directions and neither do we.

1. ALL men
see in only 16 colors, like Windows default settings. Peach, for
example, is a fruit, not a color. Pumpkin is also a fruit. We have no
idea what mauve is.

1. If it itches, it will be scratched. We do that.

1. If we ask
what is wrong and you say ?nothing,? we will act like nothing?s wrong.
We know you are lying, but it is just not worth the hassle, besides we
know you will bring it up again later.

1. If you ask a question you don?t want an answer to, expect an answer you don?t want to hear.

1. When we have to go somewhere, absolutely anything you wear is fine... really.

1. Don?t ask
us what we?re thinking about unless you are prepared to discuss such
topics as baseball, the shotgun formation, or golf.

1. You have enough clothes.

1. You have too many shoes.

1. I am in shape. Round IS a shape!

1. Thank you
for reading this. Yes, I know, I have to sleep on the couch tonight.
But did you know men really don?t mind that? It?s like camping.